As a leadership consultant, I often find myself in the role of a trusted partner with whom clients confide. Certain stories in particular capture my attention because I have heard them from so many different people, across industries, and around the world. One such recurring theme is around appreciation, a human expression that is powerful, multidimensional, and as I have come to believe, misunderstood and underappreciated. And I have been reflecting on how acts of “appreciation” are investments powered by vulnerability as the currency.

Appreciation among Leaders

Recently I had the opportunity to consult with an experienced and remarkably talented leader who explained how she received positive performance evaluations and generous bonuses but was underutilized. She could point to many ways in which her leadership team had put her “in a box.” She felt somewhat respected and seen, but not fully appreciated for the full range of her potential contribution. It was clear from speaking with her that other than her performance review, she was not receiving specific feedback on a regular basis; she also did not feel fully empowered to provide upward feedback with the level of honesty that she needed to feel truly heard. She believed strongly that if she were more fully recognized for her knowledge and skills, she could be contributing much more significantly to the team’s growth and success. The lack of appreciation, therefore, was depreciating her value to the organization.

I also remember the senior leader who once told me that her greatest desire for her team—all leaders themselves—was that they would become more willing and able to openly acknowledge each other’s efforts, recognize specific growth areas, exchange honest feedback, and proactively offer support and mentorship to one another. The lack of appreciative behaviors was, in her mind, depreciating her leadership team’s daily performance and growth potential.

Appreciation as an Investment

I have also seen a different aspect of the need for appreciation with professionals below the senior ranks.

Years ago, when I first started reviewing our survey data from early- to mid-career direct reports, I was initially quite surprised at what respondents most often desired “more of” from their supervisor, which was for the boss to tell them what (specifically) the boss didn’t like about what they were doing. I had wrongly assumed that most direct reports would want more praise, but what I observed is that many direct reports devalue praise if they perceive that their manager is holding back from sharing critical feedback.

In other words, I started to see how a manager who is hesitant to make a higher investment in their reports will see smaller returns.

In a world where the expression “I appreciate you” has become a ubiquitous, low investment salutation, leaders are wise to embrace appreciation as an indispensable leadership tool that is about much more than a feel-good moment.

Reflecting on appreciation as a practice, I discovered some insights that make it less abstract and therefore more accessible for caring professionals. The definitions section is a good place to start.

Appreciation as a word has a remarkably multi-dimensional meaning. Whether looking at the verb or noun forms, the full definition includes the concepts of acknowledgment, full recognition, gratitude, and an increase in value.

I like to simplify it this way: To appreciate another person means (1) I see you, (2) I value you, and (3) I’m invested in your growth.

I have also come to view this three-part definition as an “investment scale,” where (1) is a result of low investment and (3) is a result of high investment, where investment is akin to vulnerability. A higher investment behavior, therefore, is a behavior that requires more vulnerability.

I started to see the definition through the lens of this investment scale from my study of the behavioral research of the late Dr. Irv Rubin. He was an M.I.T. behavioral scientist who set out to discover a knowable universe of specific behaviors that are recognized by humans as leading to a positive, win-win exchange. As part of that research, he identified six specific behaviors that were most associated with appreciation. He organized them by investment level.

When I connected Dr. Rubin’s research with the dictionary definition of the word “appreciate,” along with my own observations from working with leadership teams on interpersonal communication, I had a real ‘a-ha’ moment.

What I began to fully recognize is that the low investment behaviors communicate to someone that you are paying attention to what they are doing. When I can sense that you are pleased or displeased, I know that at some level you see me. This is certainly preferable to being ignored, so it is “low investment,” not “no investment.”

Changing Behaviors for Growth

Referring back to the underappreciated leader I described above, she was aware of her supervisor and other leaders’ satisfaction, but lacked the kind of specificity in their assessments that allowed her to know whether they fully recognized her capabilities. In other words, from her point of view her leadership was mostly at the low investment level, with a little bit of medium investment from time to time. The most effective way for her supervisor and other members of the leadership team to increase her potential contribution to the team would be to focus on medium and high investment behaviors. More open and rigorously honest exchange would lead her to feeling not just seen, but more fully valued. She would have the confidence she needed that her leadership was truly invested in her.

The other example of the leadership team I described was also an example of a team stuck in the low investment lane. The result was that everyone was expressing approval and disapproval (mostly the latter), but they were not engaging in the next-level investments that would help clear up wrong assumptions.

This led me to another key insight. Low investment behaviors are a start, but if no further investments are made, there will be a depreciating effect. When a team member or manager expresses satisfaction and dissatisfaction without investing in further explanation of the basis of their assessment, it leaves the other person to their own assumptions as to why that person is pleased and/or displeased. Over time, poor assumptions form the basis of a hardened and inaccurate view of the other person. That can be deadly for a team.

We learn and grow together or we grow apart.

No wonder such a high percentage of direct reports consistently prioritize medium investment behaviors from their supervisors. It seems that many managers get stuck at the low investment level.

While it can naturally cause fear to open up and share details about the basis of your satisfaction or your dissatisfaction, the payoff is huge.

When working with clients now, or in leading my own team, I have found the behaviors in the investment table as a great guide to evaluate my (or my client’s) current investment level in key relationships.

Am I expressing satisfaction and dissatisfaction without explanation? Am I gracefully accepting feedback from others and apologizing for my mistakes? These are simple, powerful questions that can offer some of the best investment insight a leader could have.

One other related insight also comes to mind. Many managers I have come across feel intense workload pressure and do not know how to efficiently use time with their individual team members to get insights into their unique communication needs and preferences. Even if the manager is a flexible communicator with high EQ, their direct reports are not necessarily able or willing to express their needs very clearly in a conversation with their boss. Since everyone is unique, it can be highly effective to use simple surveys and other types of assessments to gather information about each team member that will be a great starting point for further investment into their success.

Most of all, I have come to believe that we are wise to view leadership as the practice of investing in others. The gains may not be realized instantly, but over time they will appreciate and be appreciated.

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